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Our friends for over two decades, who has overcome several challenges, which I admire. But, she's repeatedly taken by surprise by others. Her partner left her, and it was an unexpected event. Several of her social circle disappeared then, because they seemed only interested in him. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in more effort in our friendship, and must have understood better what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, many of her friends vanished without her being knowing the cause. Her last employer became hostile, even though she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Lately, we have each retired and are seeing frequent meetups, yet I realize my position between us feels one-sided. I introduce subjects and she changes conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses unyielding views. My effort is to recommend double-checking information and different perspectives.

She has been organizing a trip to a country I've visited repeatedly and lived in previously. I attempted to share advice, but this was met with resistance. She essentially only wanted my agreement with her choices. I've just ended 30 days in that place and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to be a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she'll truly comprehend the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in pulling back. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

You could cut and run, but it is not often a smooth outcome that we desire. But confrontation aiming for a solution takes courage and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining how things go in your conversations. It should be based on facts and basically exactly what occurs. The second is to express her how it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no dispute about this. What you feel are your feelings, naturally. Finally is to ask ways you together can shift the dynamics in your relationship."

Remember your friend holds perspectives, thus requiring you to stay open to listen to her. One effective method is to say to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to not say anything for a set time."

This can be effective for promoting better communication.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss your concerns, for those who cling to a deep-seated story: they rely on a story of their life they won't abandon as it feels essential depends upon it and it represents familiar to them. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path here, just dead ends. Yet she could start out like this before reflecting about what you've said. And should you never reach a fix, it will give you peace that you've been open and direct.